Mission Failure
by Fabius Maximus
Summary: Sometimes, evil plans just don't work out like you thought they would... Found this on the old HD and ran it through the spell checker.


Mission failure.

* * *

"So you're both seeking employment assistance." The clerk asked. "May I ask why?"

"Well..." The blue man with the scar said, "We're complete failures at our line of work."

"And you?" he asked the depressed looking green woman.

"Yah." She said, "after this last one, I think Dr. D has it right..."

"It started like this..." the man said.

* * *

"Shego!" Drakken shouted. He had heard the door open. Had she returned? Did she have the news?

Then he ducked as a plasma ball nearly too his head off.

"I'm right here, and indoor voice."

"Er, yes." Drakken said and then blinked, "And did you investigate? Tell me, how is Kim handling the collapse of her team, and end of her relationship with the Buffoon-or," He laughed madly, "_Former_ Buffoon?"

Shego looked at him, and frowned. Drakken blinked. She looked..._depressed._

"Yeah, well, I dropped the stuff into the food like you told me too, and you were right, it didn't get anyone else, even though the whole family was eating it."

"Yes, yes?"

"It worked." Shego said, "When Ron screamed, I think the entire neighborhood heard it, and Princess came running over from her house still in her nightie."

"And she fled in horror! YES!" Suddenly a finger wreathed in fire was at his lips.

"Do not interrupt."

"Yes Shego."

"Good."

"So, did-"

"No."

"She didn't flee?"

"No. They talked."

"Trying to find some way to change him back!" Draekken crowed.

"I...don't know. There was a lot of giggling...then a lot of moaning."

"So...were they crying? How Was Kim Possible handling, ah, Buffoonina?" Drakken laughed at his own joke. Then he looked at Shego. She wasn't laughing.

Shego was glaring.

"Shego? Why are you glaring?"

"Can't fail...won't ever go wrong..." Now Shego seemed to have a problem getting the words out.

"Of course it won't!" Drakken said, "I mean, think of the deals with the devil the sidekick is trying to make to regain his original form! Thin of the agony Kim Possible is going th-"

"The agony of indecision."

"Wha?"

"I tracked them after they left the house. They were at a Victoria's Secrets. They were buying _lingerie_. Kim couldn't keep her hands off of Ronica...and Ronica couldn't keep her hands' off Kim."

"but, but, but..."

"I gotta give it 'em." Shego said, "They had a good point. They were talking about it while they were sort of trying clothes on."

"What good point?"

"Well, they've been wanting to jump each other since the Junior prom, but Kimmie knows, since her mom's a doctor that no Birth Control is 100%" Then she glared at Drakken, "Well, except the type that comes from turning the person you want to jump into a woman."

"But, but...the Buffoon?"

"She can't stop talking about the cheerleader shower." Shego grunted, "then she saw me and asked me if I wanted to do a threesome at some point."

"What did you say?"

"Kim threatened to quote: 'Rip my breasts off and mail them to Mongolia.'" Shego continued, "Given the way she was holding on to, h-, er her, I didn't want to test it."

"But...but...but..." Drakken paused, "the sidekick wasn't doing anything to show he understood his, I mean, her, I, you know what I mean, the change?"

"Yes. Why yes she was." Shego paused, "She was bragging about how Bonnie was no longer biggest on the cheer squad and, oh_ right_, doing some topless jump rope in the store. That's how I got away. Kimmie was sort of hypnotized. Maybe the booyah's had something to do with it. "

"So they're not angry?"

"They gave me a_ thank you card._"

"Oh." Drakken said. He thought for several moments. "Shego?"

"Yah?"

"I think we need to change professions. We suck of at villainy."

* * *

"Well maybe," The clerk said, since a proper mental attitude was important in finding employment, "they were just pretending? They wouldn't want you to realize you'd actually caused them distress, after all."

Drakken looked at Shego, Shego looked at Drakken, and they pulled out a magazine- a glossy magazine (of the type that generally got confiscated at school.). On the cover was a _very _well endowed blond, freckled with a big grin, wearing an _extremely_ skimpy bikini, right under a title: SHE DOESN'T JUST LOSE THE PANTS ANYMORE. RONICA SHOWS US WHAT ONLY KIM POSSIBLE HAS SEEN- UNTIL NOW.

"You were saying?" Shego asked, then continued, "by the way, that photoshoot? One month after she turned 18 and it became legal- and the delay was to work in their honeymoon."

"Wow, I mean, that is an incredible body-oh, yes, about your problem." Several moments of thought followed. "what about the family? I mean, if they were upset it could still be a sort of evil deed."

"We got a _thank you card_ from her father." Drakken said, "James no longer has to worry about boys. Apparently Ron's mother always wanted a girl- now she has two."

"Wow." There was only one thing to say, the Clerk realized, "You suck at Villainy. Well, I have some openings for fast food, or secretarial work..."

* * *

The End.


End file.
